The procedure

It started innocently enough. On a whim I decided to clean off the corner of the kitchen counter where all mail, newspapers, magazines...recyclable paper...is dumped. I've been lax in moving those things to the bin where they belong. One of the items was an invitation to join the NRA and since it had a form enclosed, as well as a "membership" card with Wayne's name on it, I took it to the garbage drawer which also houses the kitchen shredder.

It was my fault. I didn't unfold the page with the card on it and the kitchen shredder is really not strong enough to get through that many layers...and, I put it in crooked. So, it jammed almost as soon as it started shredding. To make it worse, I switched it to reverse and it started (apparently) drawing up shreds from below. It kept trying to do its job, but I put it out of its misery by turning it off.

I picked up the shredder and turned it over to remove the blockage, but soon found that I was going to need a specialized tool to continue with the procedure. An icepick! I got the icepick and got to work on it. Of course, I didn't unplug it even though I knew I should. But that would have entailed taking out the trash can as well as the shredder bin and removing the drawer, which is heavy and difficult. The plug is behind the drawer. I opted to attempt the procedure while the patient was hooked up. I had rubber shoes on.

I removed quite a bit of paper, and tested the unit. It would run, but wouldn't turn itself off. Something was still blocking the thingy that told it when it had run out of paper. As I probed near the sensors I could tell that I was going to need a smaller instrument to dig out the teensy-weensy bits compacted together that were causing the blockage, so I got one of the sharp things that I use when tying a turkey up for roasting. I can't think what it's called. Several of them came in the set. They are sort of like a big needle with a big loop on one end. You poke them through the skin, every other one going the opposite direction. Then you can thread the string through them like a corset.

Anyhoo, I used the smaller thing and was able to remove the blockage...or so I thought. Another test revealed the same result as before, it would run but wouldn't turn itself off. More digging (and wondering if my rubber shoes would keep me from electrocuting myself) unearthed more bits, but I couldn't work them out. I needed a still smaller instrument. A paperclip!

Got the paperclip and opened it up and that did get me in a little closer. I got more paper out, but not enough. Same result as before. And then, just as with the small sharp thingy, I found more paper, but couldn't work it out. I needed something even smaller than the paperclip...maybe with something that would grab the paper. Don't even think tweezers...there wasn't space for tweezers. A crochet hook!

I have tons of crochet hooks and found a nice small one and it worked. I was actually able to bring forth more tiny bits of paper. After another failed test, and more digging...eureka! Sweet success! It works!!!

My first thought was, "Well, that's an hour I'll never get back." But, on reflection I was glad a)I got it working and don't have to replace it, and b) I didn't electrocute myself.

It was while I was returning all the "instruments" to their proper places that I started thinking of posting about it. So, I gathered everything together again, arranged them on a McDonald's plastic tray (where did that come from) to look like a surgical procedure had taken place. You'll notice in the photo below that I tastefully draped the shredder and laid the instruments out on a sterile (well, previously unused, anyway) paper towel.  I just realized that I didn't put the crochet hook in its proper place...after the paper clip.  But, everything is put away now and I'm not dragging it all out again.

Two items I also used, but didn't mention above, were a magnifying glass and a flashlight. A giant flashlight. They weren't terribly helpful as I only have two hands, when I actually needed four: one hand to hold the shredder in a good position, one hand to hold and work the instrument, one hand to hold the flashlight, and one hand to hold the cheap ass magnifying glass which wouldn't have helped even if I had those extra hands. You'll also notice the patient's lifeline (the electrical cord) draped over the patient's little body.

All's well that end's well...and I repeat...I didn't electrocute myself!